My son Nicolas has been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. Basically, he exhibits some autistic behaviors under certain circumstances. Autism is a brain disorder. I don't really understand it, but sensory input gets all jumbled up in his brain very easily.A friend explained it to her children very well. She told them to imagine being in the car, driving down the road, with the radio on, windows down, and carrying on a conversation. Most of us could manage all of this input without really thinking about it.
People on the spectrum (as it's often called) hear the sound of the tires, the wind blowing, the radio like it's full blast, and people talking. Plus, they are feeling the wind blowing, the fabric of their clothes, the constriction of the seat belts...all of it...non-stop without the ability to "turn off" the sensations.
Then, like with Nicolas, I ask him a question (while all of this stuff is going on) and the response I get is a screaming, angry meltdown. He's had enough. Can you blame him? I think I would do the same thing. Come to think of it...I have. Anyone feeling overwhelmed with life melts down at some point. For my dear, sweet son, though, he lives life this way every day.
We're learning, though. We're learning how to help his brain sort out some of the stimuli. We're learning how to help him respond appropriately when he's overwhelmed. We're learning how to teach him self-regulation so he doesn't get to a breaking point. We're learning to keep things quiet when he needs quiet and play games just for fun because the rules frustrate him. We're learning to be very patient. We're learning to praise God for every triumph and lean on Him a little harder when one more meltdown will send the whole family into a tizzy. We're learning something new and wonderful every day.
Nicolas is an exceptionally bright and talented child. His drawings amaze me with the level of detail and creative insight. He builds the most elaborate robots out of legos, most with some sort of moving parts. He is very self-sufficient (too much so sometimes). He loves his siblings and is very protective of them, especially his sister. His heart is as big as TX. He struggles sometimes to accept how special he really is. He's becoming increasingly aware that he's different.
I can't begin to explain how much I love this kid. I can't imagine what he would be like if he didn't have this disorder. I probably wouldn't have learned any of the things I've learned. I wouldn't have grown as much as a parent or maybe loved as deeply, just because it would have been easier...much easier.
No sense in pondering all the what ifs; just what it is. He's my incredible, fantastic son and makes living with autism a special joy I never would have experienced otherwise.
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